Original Sin

Through coition came cognition,

so we’re told.

From serpentine perdition,

to the eve of our condition,

is a line of pulchritude.

 

The serpent was lascivious.

Tempting Eve to coitus,

by offering an apple

to consume.

 

His squirming, so voluptuous,

slithering, conceptuous,

lured her to

perfidy and sin.

 

From thus, homo erectus

was hetero in his genius,

until, through nostra damus,

came il papa’s mighty plan.

 

By immaculate deception,

came the godhead

to reception

as a naked babe in straw.

 

Lacking sign of all suspicion,

or hint of malefaction,

the lord had sired offspring,

but no genitals engorged.

 

Through countless generation,

from Adam and creation,

had the genesis of

humankind been drawn.

 

By fervent copulation,

foregoing masturbation,

the race had been

expanded and preserved.

 

In coitus emeritus,

no interruption hindered us

and life was passed

by orgasmagic down.

 

From primeval broth evolving,

through complex myths contriving,

the human creature

comes to speculate.

 

No! It surely is apparent,

that our knowing was descendant,

and did not come

from falling to a snake.

 

All the love and joy

in breeding, should be guiltless,

not conceding any merit

to the fantasists of god.

 

Deus non magnificat,

and coitus cum laude.

Shagging is not sinful,

but bonding beautiful.

What is Easter

Easter is a pagan festival of various origins. It was associated with the vernal equinox and was a celebration of fertility in the re-birth of plants in spring. The name itself probably comes from Eastre or Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon name of a Teutonic goddess of spring and fertility. Her festival was celebrated on the day of the vernal equinox. Traditions associated with the festival survive in the Easter rabbit, a symbol of fertility, and in coloured eggs, originally painted with bright colours to represent the sunlight of spring.For the Greeks the the festival commemorated the return of Persephone, daughter of Demeter, the earth goddess, from the underworld to the light of day. Her return symbolised to the ancient Greeks the resurrection of life in the spring after the desolation of winter. The Phrygians believed that their deity went to sleep at the time of the winter solstice, and they performed ceremonies with music and dancing at the spring equinox to wake him.

The execution of Jesus was reputed to have been on the Jewish festival of Passover, or Pesach, from which is derived Pasch, another name for Easter, so this is the most direct link that Christians draw.

Just like virgin birth, resurrection was taken by the Christians from many preceding religions and traditions. Easter was a fertility celebration long before the Christians took it over Even the name pre-dates Christianity and it was not a bunny that was crucified and Jesus did not lay a chocolate egg.

I would like to say happy equinox, but, of course, the date of easter does not coincide with the equinox (or passover for that matter). The movable date was set by the Council of Nicea, which was convened by the pagan Roman Emperor Constantine, 300 years after Jesus to decide on the date of his death among other things. They could not agree on a fixed date so Jesus has the anniversary of his death on a different date every year.

Jesus And His Withering Miracle

 

 

Apart from raising the dead to life and helping out the wedding party by turning water into wine, Jesus had a vindictive side in his miracle making.

 

After a busy day healing the blind and the lame he stayed in lodgings overnight. When he was hungry in the morning he came across a fig tree with no fruit. What did he do? Well he said:

 

“let no fruit grow on thee henceforward and forever.”

(Matthew 21:17-22; Mark 11:12-14,20-24)

 

The fig tree miraculously withered away. With powers like his you would think that Jesus might have miracled some fruit onto the tree and sated his hunger, but maybe that wouldn’t have been so dramatically obvious to his disciples. After all, his next statement was to tell the disciples that they could cast mountains into the sea by the power of prayer if only they believe.

 

Since nobody has ever been able to cast a mountain into the sea by prayer it can only be concluded that nobody has ever believed or Jesus was wrong.

 

Well, Jesus was wrong and he didn’t kill the fig tree either.

Soldiers of Heaven Death Cult

 

An Iraqi based Shia Muslim group calling itself the Soldiers of Heaven has killed hundreds of people as well as suffering hundreds of losses of its own members attacking the Ashura gathering in Kerbala.

 

Many Muslims (mostly Shia) believe that the ‘hidden imam’ (Mahdi) will reappear and bring in a period of global justice before the end of the world and resurrection. The 12^th imam in the line of succession from Mohammed disappeared in the ninth century, but Mahdists believe he is still alive.

 

The Soldiers of Heaven are an armed extremist group who believe that they can hasten the reappearance of the hidden imam by destroying the mainstream Shia leadership and they seem to think that the fervour of Ashura is the right environment for them to operate.

 

President Ahmedinejad of Iran is a believer in the hidden imam although he has nothing to do with the Soldiers of Heaven. Like many messianic Christian cults, Mahdists believe that they are in the ‘end times’. Mahdists generally believe that the hidden imam and Jesus will together operate to create the conditions for the resurrection. Like Christian end timers, they welcome destruction and disorder because they see it as an indicator of the coming final conflict.

 

Since Mohammed, several people have claimed to be the Mahdi, just as many have claimed to be the second coming of Jesus. At least one claimed to be both the Mahdi and Jesus!

 

Almost all of the Soldiers of Heaven members are believed to be very poor, rural people, but when the cult’s compound in Najaf was raided a year ago, a swimming pool, beauty parlour and many luxuries being used by the leadership were found. Cult leading is pretty much the same in the Christian and Muslim worlds. The outcome can be death in both as well. The dreams of paradise will be unfulfilled.

 

 

The Resurrection of Jesus

Jesus did not rise again after being dead for three days.

Alone In The Garden

 From Eden to Gethsemene,

and weedy lawn

beneath my feet.

The serpentine seducer

works on now.

 

There is knowledge deep

inside those plants,

to eat and learn what’s bad.

 

However bad the pain

in your stomach,

the angles of a triangle

still add up to 180 degrees.

 

Consuming passion

soaks through the senses,

and anaesthetises awareness

of a disjointed world.

 

I was riding my bicycle

when the craft landed.

They took me

and did surgery on my knees.

 

Three small girls in neat, grey pleats, were

shooting bunnies as they chatted and giggled.

They talked of the siamese twins

created in the damp spots on the sun.

 

There is a time machine in every quark.

But show me the universal nematode who made

the knotted wormholes in space.

 

Oh Mary Quantum,

leap into my consciousness

and show me a particle

of understanding.

Who is my saviour?

 

“Fifty stone man into gloves

and indoor cycling

seeks similar.

No freaks.”

 

When the gardener appears

and calls ‘Mary’,

your first gasp of recognition

evaporates with the spirits

of lost friends. You are

alone in the garden.

Jesus and Miracles

Jesus did not raise anybody from the dead, he did not change water into wine and he did not heal anybody miraculusly.

Virgin Birth

The archangel Gabriel did not tell Mary that she would conceive a child who would be the son of God and Mary was not a virgin when she conceived Jesus.