The government has claimed
success in its most recent boot amnesty.
Boot mountains have been formed
in police station yards
throughout the country.
Original plans to issue the surrendered boots
to construction workers have been abandoned
due to a shortage of workers since the fourth credit crunch
and concern that the boots may be smuggled
out of the building sites and sold to gang members.
An alternative proposal
to ship the boots to shoeless
people in the third world
was stopped after the
Stop The War coalition
objected to weapons being exported.
Policing of the prohibition
on males between the ages of
thirteen and three quarters and
forty two being seen in public
with a clenched fist has resulted
in a claim by The Police Federation
for a trebling of the number
of police officers.
The requirement that young men
may only wear slippers in
public places has resulted in
a sharp increase in
spanking attacks in night clubs.
An appeal against the two kicks and your out
sentencing policy will go to
the European Court next week.
It is expected that the government will lose
and plans are being made for the life sentence
kickers to be released to waddle restraint.
They will be required to wear an
electronic butt plug that delivers a sharp
electric shock if the foot is raised above knee level.
Shit breaks of not more than fifteen minutes
will be permitted for up to three times a day.
A government spoke said:
“We are on target to achieve
the 64th consecutive year
of falling crime levels.
Less than half the population
are now in prison
or subject to control orders.”
